Right Book, Wrong Time: Reading in a Pandemic

May 20, 2020

Have you ever started a book, got a few chapters in, and then decided to put it down?

There are many, many reasons for doing this. Maybe you're too busy with work, maybe you're not in the mood for ______ right now, or maybe you simply don't like it. But have you ever put down a book because it's affecting your mental health?

I recently had to stop reading The Librarian of Auschwitz by Antonio Iturbe for this exact reason.

The Librarian of Auschwitz has been on my TBR for quite some time, and lock down seemed to be the perfect time to get some reading done - it's one of those books I've been meaning to read but never got round to it. Back in 2018 I read The Tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris and found it heartbreaking, don't get me wrong, but also enjoyed learning more about that period in history. So, when I got Iturbe's book from my bookshelf last week, I thought I was ready to read it.

Turns out, I was wrong. Lock down is not a good time to read holocaust literature.

Looking back on it now, it's clear I was underestimating the effect it would have on me, but it just didn't occur to me at the time. Experiencing such a traumatic story whilst the world is in an extremely negative situation was just overwhelming. For obvious reasons, it was simply too difficult to read. Usually I would look forward to reading my book, but I found myself putting it off or making excuses not to read it.

So I made the decision to put it down; leave it for another time when everything's back to normal and I'm in a better place to process the story.

But then the guilt came.

Almost instantly, I started telling myself "those poor people in concentration camps didn't get to just wake up one day and decide they had had enough, you're taking your privilege for granted. You can't just stop reading their stories because you ... don't feel like it. You're an awful human being."

And to a certain extent, I still feel this way. I am immensely lucky that I can remove myself from a situation if it is taking a toll on my mental health. However, after having slept on it, I realised that this doesn't make me an awful human being - I am not a Holocaust denier, I am more than aware of how awful it was and I'm not trying to erase it from history by any means. I just couldn't face it during a pandemic, and that's okay.

There have been so many articles reporting how people are reading more now than ever because they are looking for an escape from the crazy world we are living. Reading shouldn't be something that makes you feel worse, especially in a time like this - we need to keep ourselves entertained and our spirits high.